When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
