My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
