You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
