theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
