It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
