Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i already hear my dad disowning me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
