A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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