You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
