Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I didn't notice because vodka
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
