the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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