She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
