Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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