i just google imaged poop.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
