so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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