How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
