becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
