How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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