I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
