i just sent this text using only my big toe
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
