I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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