he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
