Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
