i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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