Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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