He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
