I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
