mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
