Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
