dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
