Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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