We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
