under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
