the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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