found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
