Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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