My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
