Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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