you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
