ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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