that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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