please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
