I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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