Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
