C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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