I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What a dumb baby whore.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
