Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
