Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my liver is dry heaving
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
