he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize