wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
