My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
