I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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