Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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