i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
