So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
