Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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