Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
