Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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