I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
