I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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