and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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