also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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