did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found the puke drawer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
