kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize