he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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