Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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