If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
