This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
