just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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